Your parents are vibrant, healthy, and active seniors living comfortably in retirement. But you’ve noticed a few times recently when things seemed to fall through the cracks and get lost. Now you’re wondering when is the best time to have the aged care conversation.
The best time to have that difficult conversation is before you need it. Because changing health or mental conditions are fraught with a variety of emotions, having this discussion while everyone is lucid and calm helps lead to the best results. If you wait until there’s an obvious need for aged care, your parents will be frightened and upset, and you’ll feel the pressure to quickly establish an appropriate level of care. This is not a good state under which to make these potential life changing decisions.
Plan to have the aged care conversation before your parents retire while everyone is still in good health and can make decisions about in-home care versus residential care, advance directives for life support, estate planning, and other personal and financial wishes. You don’t have to tackle everything in one conversation. Several mini or topic-specific conversations work just as well.
The key is to make sure your parents and you are on the same page legally and emotionally about how to live later years without money worries and that your parents’ wishes are followed when they can no longer make decisions on their own.
Here are 6 conversations you should have the sooner, the better.
1. Start with a will.
Hopefully, your parents have made a will and can share that with you. Make sure your parents’ wishes are fully spelled out, such as how they want assets divided, etc. Go over their will and make sure there aren’t any vague or abstract sections that leave too much open for interpretation.
If they don’t have a will, now is the time to get it done. Choose an attorney who specializes in wills and estate planning. The will should cover who is executor, who will hold power of attorney, and reflects your parents’ current wishes about how the estate is to be distributed.
2. Find out your parents’ wishes for when they can no longer care for themselves.
Do they want in-home care to stay in their own home? Or would they rather move into an assisted-living facility? Depending on their wishes, talk about how that will be financed? For example, do they have the financial power to self-fund their care or will they need to apply for a government home care package?
Another consideration during this discussion is how safe your parents’ home is. Will you need to make modifications to make sure it’s safe and comfortable for someone with limited abilities and/or mobility? Is there money in the budget for this?
3. Document their wishes about life support.
This is another difficult subject, but can free you from the burden and heartache of having to make this decision on your own. Have your parents write out or dictate to you what life support services they want and don’t want. How do they want to be cared for at the end of their lives?
Make sure this is detailed as vague instructions will still leave you to make the difficult decisions. You want end-of-life decisions made by your parents before something happens.
4. Discuss their wishes for a memorial service.
The final, really difficult part of the aged care discussion—the memorial service. Do they want to be cremated and have their ashes scattered at a specific site? Or perhaps they’ve already purchased burial plots years ago.
Talk about specifics. Do they want donations made in lieu of flowers to their favourite charities? Do they even want a memorial service? How do they wish these final acts to be carried out?
5. Get names and phone numbers for your parents’ professionals.
You’ll specifically need to know names and numbers of their doctors and any specialists. Also include financial and legal professionals on the list. Do your parents have an accountant or an insurance agent handling matters for them?
Being able to consult with your parents’ doctors and specialists during an emergency can offer you better peace of mind and understanding of their medical needs.
6. Have them round up all documents.
Finally, have your parents gather all the following documents and keep them in a safe location at home.
- Their will
- Insurance policies such as health, life, auto, homeowners, disability, and long-term care
- Financial account details such as checking, savings, brokerage, and mutual funds
- Loan, vehicle, and properly documents
- Tax returns
- User names and passwords for online accounts
- Your safe deposit box key and the bank it’s located in
Conclusion
Want a little more guidance on tackling this big discussion? Simply Google “aged care conversation.” You’ll find plenty of resources available to help you start the conversation and keep it going.
Or you can visit myguardian.com.au today or call us at 02 9336 7555. We’d be happy to help in any way we can.
